By Leslie S. Garske
Once you come to the realization that #divorce is a possibility, your mind quickly shifts to thoughts about your future and the apprehensions about this new reality. Questions like "Can I sustain myself financially?" or "How much of my income will I have to allocate for my spouse and children?" might start racing through your head, accompanied by worries of a life mired in poverty. An onslaught of uncertainties, both #financial and emotional, emerges, demanding your attention. Despite the common belief that divorces are often bitter and acrimonious, my personal experience suggests that most couples genuinely desire a fair outcome that benefits everyone involved.
However, "fairness" is subjective, and each person's interpretation of it can vary significantly. Depending on the extent of emotional wounds inflicted during the #marriage, the perceived injustices that need rectification, and the apologies left unspoken, the notion of "fairness" may be akin to two separate mountain peaks, separated by a turbulent river of conflicts and resentments. This fundamental truth has given rise to a multi-billion-dollar divorce industry. But what if there's an alternative approach?
What if we were to release our fixation on fairness? I understand it might sound unconventional but consider this perspective. What if each party refrained from concerning themselves with what the other person was gaining and instead engaged a divorce financial planner to determine what they individually need to ensure their well-being? Then, they could sit down with a mediator and build a foundation from there. Perhaps it won't be perfectly equal, and it may not fit the conventional definition of "fair," but what if it simply works – for the benefit of everyone involved? That would truly be a #win-win solution.
So, forget about the elusive notion of fairness! Let it go! It's not crucial. Concentrate on the next phase of your life and how you can transition into it in a healthy and contented manner, all while preserving the concept of family for the future. As I consistently advise my clients, my aim is to assist you in becoming the best-divorced family you can be, because even in divorce, you remain a family.