A Q&A with Nikki Kinghorn of Raising Real World Kids

What if parenting could be easier… and more fun?

Navigating parenting in today’s world can feel overwhelming, but finding voices of honesty, experience, and encouragement makes all the difference. That’s why I’m so excited to share this Q&A with Nikki Kinghorn, the heart and mind behind Raising Real World Kids. Nikki is a passionate mom, educator, and advocate for raising thoughtful, resilient, and kind children in a fast-paced, ever-changing world.

Through her platform, Nikki offers practical advice and real-life insights that empower parents to guide their children with intention and confidence. In our conversation, we explore her journey, the inspiration behind Raising Real World Kids, and her perspective on how parents can foster empathy, responsibility, and connection at home.

Whether you’re in the thick of parenting young children or navigating the teen years, I know you’ll find Nikki’s wisdom both relatable and refreshing.

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What inspired you to create Raising Real World Kids?

Honestly, it started in a moment when I thought there was a good chance I was about to die! (Spoiler alert: I didn't die.) I was on a flight to a work conference when we hit crazy turbulence—people were crying and praying as we lurched and dropped for about 20 minutes.

Afterward, I got to thinking: what would it be like for my kids if I hadn't made it? What did they already know? How ready were they? It made me think: what does a person need to know to be really ready for the world?

I started making a list of all the things, big and little, that I could think of—from how to sew on a button to how to navigate an international airport, ask for a raise, or develop a meaningful spiritual life. Five pages later I had the beginnings of what I called My Independence Book.

The whole thing became the backbone of my parenting: instead of doing things for my kids, I started seeing everything as an opportunity to support them to learn what they needed to do things on their own. It became the passion project of my life!

I started experimenting with simple tools and strategies that would teach my kids real-life skills, and the results were amazing. Not just for them, but for me too. Parenting became so much more fun and purposeful. Now my kids are young adults handling all the life stuff—college, relationships, jobs, health, money—and I get to joyfully cheer them on without managing their affairs FOR them.

How did your personal or professional experiences shape the mission behind your work?

My professional experience has been incredibly formative. I've taught elementary and preschool, worked with children and adults with disabilities, and provided crisis counseling for families experiencing domestic violence. I've also been an executive leader overseeing programs that serve children, youth, and families. All of this gave me deep insight into what works with real families dealing with real challenges.

My own divorce was also a huge catalyst. Suddenly, my kids were living in two houses, and living through a big transition, which meant they HAD to develop new skills. At first, I tried to make everything perfect for them, and I worried about them constantly. But they were incredibly capable when given the right tools and support—they weren't just surviving, they were growing beautifully in new ways.

These experiences taught me that strategies have to work in the real world. I work with parents of all ages and stages, from couples wondering if they want kids to those with young adults stuck in their basement. Every family is unique, and I work with parents to identify solutions for their unique, wonderful family.

Building Strong Foundations

In today's fast-paced, often overwhelming world, what do you think kids need most from the adults in their lives?

Kids need adults who believe in their capability. We've gotten the message that good parenting means doing everything for our kids, but what they really need is for us to see them as capable human beings who can learn, grow, and handle challenges.

They also need consistency and predictability in relationships. This doesn't mean everything has to be perfect—it means they need to know what they can count on from the adults in their lives.

And honestly? They need us to take care of ourselves too. Kids learn so much more from watching us than from anything we say.

What values or character traits do you focus on most when helping parents raise "real world ready" kids?

Problem-solving is huge. When we rush in to solve everything for them, we rob them of the chance to build their own problem-solving muscles.

I also focus on emotional regulation and resilience. Life will throw curveballs, and they need tools, strategies, and practice for managing big feelings. This doesn't mean they should suffer alone—it means they need skills for handling disappointment, frustration, and uncertainty.

Responsibility and accountability are also essential, but in an empowering way. When kids learn that their choices have consequences and that they have the power to influence outcomes, it builds incredible confidence.

Communication & Connection

What are some everyday practices that help strengthen the parent-child connection?

Some of my clients like to think in terms of "partnering" rather than "parenting." Instead of being the boss who tells them what to do, parents can be their partner in figuring things out. So instead of "You need to clean your room," try "Hey, I noticed your room is pretty chaotic. Is it hard to find your toys? What do you think would help you feel more organized? Let me know if you're looking for ideas or a cleaning buddy."

I'm also a huge fan of problem-solving together. When my kids come to me with a challenge, I start with empathy and curiosity. "Ugh, that sounds tough! Are you looking for suggestions? What have you already tried?"

Regular one-on-one time is crucial, but it doesn't have to be elaborate. Some of my best conversations happen in the car or while doing dishes together.

It's also really important for parents to put their phones away as much as they can. When parents are present, make eye contact, and really connect with their kids, it's a game changer.

How can parents model respectful communication, even when life feels chaotic or uncertain?

This is where taking care of yourself becomes so important. When I'm overwhelmed and stressed, I'm much more likely to snap at my kids.

I've learned to be honest about my feelings without making them my kids' responsibility. I might say, "I'm feeling really stressed about work today, so I might need a few minutes to calm down before we talk about this."

I also try to repair quickly when I mess up. If I've reacted poorly, I apologize and try again. "Hey, I was thinking about what I said yesterday and I don't feel good about it. Can I try again?" This shows kids that everyone makes mistakes and that relationships can be repaired.

Navigating Big Feelings

Kids today are navigating so much—social pressure, global issues, and digital overwhelm. What advice do you give parents who want to help their children manage anxiety or big emotions?

First, normalize big emotions. When kids are anxious or upset, our instinct is often to try to talk them out of it or "fix it" immediately. But emotions aren't problems to be solved—they're just information.

I teach parents to empathize and validate first, then get curious about problem-solving. "It sounds like you're really worried about that test tomorrow. That makes sense—tests can feel scary!" Only after they feel heard and understood are they ready to think about solutions.

I also encourage parents to consciously do less so that they can be more. There are all these messages about enrichment activities, camps, lessons, and experiences that seem so important. Well-meaning families can spend thousands of dollars on all of this, and it just makes everyone miserable! What kids need are loving, supportive adults who help them grow.

Are there red flags parents should watch for that might signal a child is struggling emotionally?

Changes in behavior that persist over time are usually the biggest red flag. Changes in sleep, appetite, or academic performance are also important to notice. But honestly, the most important thing is trusting your gut as a parent. You know your child better than anyone.

Tools & Resources

What types of tools or support do you offer families through Raising Real World Kids?

At the heart of my work is individual and parent team coaching. I offer customized support for their specific challenges, helping them clarify their values and priorities, learn new skills, and get confident in their approaches. I also do small group coaching and workshops on specific topics.

I love creating simple, practical tools that families can implement immediately. Like the Morning Magnet Board—something you can make in an hour that helps even little kids get going in the morning. Or the My Two Houses tool that helps kids prepare for transitions between homes. These come from my own family's experience and can completely transform routines!

Encouraging Real-World Readiness

What does "real-world readiness" look like in a child or teen?

I always say, as a parent you can either rescue your kid from their problems, or raise a problem-solving kid, but not both. A real-world ready kid is one who can think through problems, manage their emotions, get help when they need it, and take care of themselves appropriately for their age.

For a preschooler, that might mean they can put on their own shoes, help feed the pets, and use basic words for their feelings. For a teenager, it might mean they can manage their schedule, handle conflict with friends, get and keep a job, and make good decisions when parents aren't around.

But it's not just about practical skills—it's about confidence and resilience. A real-world ready kid believes they can figure things out because they have loads of experiences in which they handled challenges.

How do you help parents balance preparing their kids for independence while still being nurturing and protective?

I think the key is understanding that nurturing and preparing for independence aren't opposites—they actually go hand in hand!

When we teach kids skills and give them age-appropriate responsibilities, we're showing them profound love and care for their current AND future selves.

I help parents think about what their child will need to know at 18, 25, 35, and then work backwards. I do an exercise called "Imagining Your Actual Adult," where they visualize their kid as a young adult, then get practical about what skills their kid needs to develop. It’s super eye opening (and really fun!).

It's also about gradually increasing responsibility and independence—a steady progression of building skills over time, with support, love, and joy.

For Parents in Transition

For parents who are separated or divorced, what are a few simple ways they can maintain consistency and emotional safety across two households?

First, focus on what you can control—your own household and responses. You can't control what happens at the other house, but you can create predictability and safety in your own space.

Second, parents don't actually need to be as "on the same page" as they might think. Kids learn to navigate parental differences, which is actually good practice for the real world. I help parents get clear about their top parenting priorities and focus their parenting on those priorities.

Third, resist the urge to be in Detective Mode when you pick up your kids. Don't pepper them with questions about what happened at the other house. When they tell you something fun, be genuinely happy. When they share something disappointing, show empathy.

Fourth, actively demonstrate that you support your child's relationship with their other parent. Remember, the other parent is half of the kid! Help your kid do something nice for the other parent's birthday or special occasions. It validates your child’s love for both of their parents!

Sometimes parents worry about the emotional impact of divorce on their children. What's one piece of encouragement or perspective you can offer them?

Kids are much more resilient than we give them credit for. Yes, divorce is hard, but it doesn't have to define or damage their lives. I've seen so many kids thrive after their parents' divorce because they learned independence, flexibility, and resilience through the experience. (This is true for adults, too!!)

The most important thing is how you handle it, not the fact that it's happening. When kids see their parents taking care of themselves, treating each other with respect, and prioritizing the children's well-being, they learn that families can change and still be loving and safe.

Final Message

If you could leave every parent with one core message, what would it be?

Your kids are more capable than you think they are, and you're doing better than you think you are! We live in a culture that constantly tells us we're not doing enough, but the truth is, when we step back and give our kids the chance to show us what they can do, they almost always surprise us.

The goal isn't to be perfect parents raising perfect kids. The goal is to raise kids who are confident, capable, and ready to handle whatever the real world throws at them. And that happens through practice, through small failures and recoveries, through gradually increasing independence and responsibility.

Trust your instincts. Trust your kids. And remember that the fact that you're asking these questions means you're already doing something right. I know that every family can thrive with customized support that works for them—and as a certified coach, I get the joy of providing that support with deep empathy, supportive challenge, and laughter!

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If Nikki’s insights resonated with you and you’re interested in her coaching, workshops, or other offerings, visit www.raisingrealworldkids.com. You can explore her resources and schedule a free discovery call to see how she can support you in raising kind, confident, and resilient kids in today’s world.